Somebody is inside

This sculpture reminds me of our life. I suppose we have something inside that we are trying to find. The  master artist is perhaps helping us. Back mid May 2008 a friend sent me this note.........................

Hi Brent,
All the best on Wednesday. 
I was thinking about you and it brought to mind the story of Ted Williams...
Coming up to bat on the last day of the season with a double header and a batting average of 399.6.
It would have rounded up to .400 and a lesser player would have asked to sit out.  Instead - Ted wanted to play.
As he came up the the plate for the first time - the umpire came out to sweep off the plate and said to him...
You can't hit .400 if you are not relaxed.
He went 5 for 8 that day to end the season with a batting average of .406.
He's the last player to ever hit .400.
Relax on Wednesday and be yourself and you'll get plenty of hits.
Best Regards,
John

It has been 5 + good years since that note. I made the job change that I wanted to. I may have revealed more of what is inside as life has gone on. So the question is, what's next?  I guess I have little choice but to relax and find out who is inside...............

 

 

 

KJ has to give a talk tomorrow about "Fathers" and she was able to pull up a talk she gave 20 years ago, also on fathers day. She likely will use a lot of the prior talk. When I re read it what stood out to me was her comments about her life growing up and her parents and what she valued that she learned from them. She remembered learning to drive in her fathers Studebaker.  Thinking back about about these type of cars I remember that there were ugly ones and then the one her dad drove was a good looking one.  We went out on a double date in one of the ugly ones. Probably our first date together?

 

 Talks are somewhat like good books. The good ones make you think of things you associate with the words. Good fathers is probably a worthy subject today. Both Kathy and I had very good fathers. They both loved their wife very much. That can make up for a lot. It sets a good example. Probably it is worth more than most other things. Time spent with a father is pretty special but who he treats his

wife may, in my opinion, have more of an impact on our lives later on.

 

What seems especially important as I ponder this is how different our life is when our all of our parents are passed on.  The memories change and continue to change. 

 

 Today I think of my father and I am reminded that he always seemed to be happy with his life. His happiness wasn't just a "positive attitude" type of thing. Not that a positive attitude is bad? I do think that it isn't really all that "good" if it is not deeply rooted. Some people seem to really be happy or positive and don't have to apply any rules to their outlook. My dad had a positive attitude in that he seemed to enjoy his life and it seemed to come from deep within. 

 

I can't help but think of my brother when I spend time thinking about my father. At least today that is the case. My brother seemed in some ways to really enjoy his life. He had some challenges but even so he reminded me of my dad in that I think he just enjoyed life. I know he loved his kids and family.  He seemed to always be willing to reach out to me. He was probably the one that needed reaching out to but then he would jump on a plane and come at the drop of a hat, if I asked him too. I wish I had asked more often.

 

I have wondered why my father was happy. So having said this here is some insight. Wondering about things like that is not a Rx for happiness. It can lead to being less than positive. I do think he really valued his family but in particular I think my dad always really felt he was luckily to have my mother for a companion. I saw that same thing in KJ's father, Hal. I have always felt that way about KJ but as I get older and see so many changes in what I had thought were things and relationships that defined me and now do not, I find that KJ is the core of my focus and I treasure that.

 

No Rage Just Light.........Song of Tonight

By Brent

 

Land and  Sky, reach out

Embraced by the Old, tonight
Touched from within, with Light
Our New World, like the Old
Gone from sight

 

Memories, sometimes dim

Free in the land, no need to hide
Dancing with wolves, and the light

A Fathers memories, and past Friends life
Friends eternal,  companion, wife
Life  so short, families right
Truth  eternal
Desire only.................to do right.

Back .........................

 

 

This particular metal buffalo has made this blog before.  The reason that it is worth posting today is that it represents a longer walk than I have taken in at least 10 months. It has been encouraging to get out for longer walks and even light runs. Since my challenges in January it has been much harder to "come back". I found along the trail a complete new house that had been built. The day was perfect. The air was perfect.

Nothing Much

 

Long weekend. That is a good thing. I am looking forward for Monday. I wondered what I might blog today?  Absolutely nothing comes to mind, of much importance. My short term plan is to go out and walk and perhaps run for a little. My longer term plan is to think about Monday. I am reading a new book about the autistic brain. It is a little complicated but still interesting. I also bought a book about digital cameras for beginners. It was kind of exciting to buy it and the book. The excitement was in the reality that both were about things I didn't know much about. Guess in a way there is always something new if you look. Where to look can be a challenge. The book is holding my interest. I am finished with the magazine. Finished with the blog for today. Absolutely

I am Back or pointed in a good direction or just happy to have had a good day

Today is a good day, so far. It started out with a  walk, Jog, almost run, on the front end. The sun was warm. The air was fresh. I started out walking and then started to jog. Almost ran a few times. I keep the pace up for a mile plus. This is not a big deal but it is the first time I have done this in almost a year. I didn't reach a "runners high" but I could almost feel it coming. I felt some sweat and it was just a wonderful experience. I am sitting her typing this two and half ours later and I don't really have any pains. I am back. Course I am not sure where I have been. It really has been so hard to get back. I don't want to not be able to jog and even run.

Mothers Day can cause you to look back..........................

since we had a wedding recently I had an occasion to look at the bride and groom on the recent wedding day by the cake, then one of Katie and another of "us" on our wedding days.  I have been blessed...........................

HB to MJ

Hope this picture actually posts this time.....................In thinking about Mike's birthday tommorrow I was drawn to this picture. It is just a great picture. Good Family

A special Weekend

A special weekend. Easter. Living in a State that has 25% of the population that is Catholic has some pluses.   New Mexico is the most culturally Catholic state, at least historically. One of the things I have noticed about our Catholic friends is that they pay special attention to Good Friday as well as Easter. It is a blessing to be around people who love the Lord.

As I thought about this subject I noticed the setting shown by my camera shot. Couple of good young men both with good young women in their lives. A very special lady presented by name on the sign and the focus of this weekend.





Our Church indeed holds sacred all the events of this week that took place in our Saviours life. Good Friday is not a day we have special services but it is an important day. The church is indeed central in our lives. As I look back at 66+ years I recall the first 20+ of those years where our church was lead by David O. McKay. Two quotes that came from him have been special ones for me.

• The purpose of the gospel is to make bad men good and good men better, and to change human nature.”
• The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

A School Bell......................Cherry Creek Idaho is a area that is 9 miles South of Malad, Idaho. The "area" consists only of old farms that have been their since the 1800's. My Grandparents home was in this area. Their house was on the East side of what was at one time the main highway to Utah from Southeastern Idaho. Across the road was their barns and some of the working core of their farm. Just to the South about a city block or so was a small one room school house. I recall when I grew up that the side of the building had fallen and that the inside was accessible. Going inside you could see the old benches. Upstairs in a loft was some of the very old school books. At some point someone took the school bell and somehow it was passed on to my Dad. The bell was something that each morning was rang by the teacher in charge to let the kids know they needed to come in. In the one room classes from 1st grade to high school were taught. The school was something my Dad went to for several years. He started school in about 1920.  The bell sits on one of my shelf's as seen in the post from two days ago. (The keys of the old typewriter mentioned are in the background)

Some History about the items on the last post..............I have posted a picture of the gun on the wall before and probably have posted some of the story behind it? Even so I might as well do so again and perhaps this time it will be a little different. I don't want to forget some of these things and hope to have the blogs printed up "one of these days". The gun is, as shown made by J.Stevens and was made in 1894. I found some similar guns on the Internet once. The gun is a 22 caliber single shot. My dad said it was sort of a family gun and that his older brothers and perhaps his day had used it over several years. He didn't say it was actually his personal gun but that he did use it. How the gun came to be in my home office is an interesting story. Sometime around 1970 I was working at Keeleys wholesale in Salt Lake. I was just out of collage and had been given the job as manager of this small company that had been bought by the company I worked my way through collage at. I had hired a cousin of mine that lived in Salt Lake to work on the night crew. He was a few years older than I was. I had not known him very well growing up but he needed a job and it helped him to get one at that time. My cousin, Michael Aylworth, and I probably had never had one on one time together growing up as he was several years older than me. One day he came to work and gave me this gun. It was his mother who had our grandmother live with them in her final years. That access probably enabled him to get the gun or maybe he got it from the farm in Malad over the years. He felt that the gun was my Dad's gun and felt that I should have it. I was surprised and never expected to have it happen. The gun has been in my office on my wall ever since.
*
Another incident is interesting in comparison. I have an old typewriter in my office that has been there since around the year 2000. It was my Mothers dad's typewriter. We saw him type on it as we grew up. Many letters were typed. Grandfather Warren was a writer and all the many grandkids would have identified him with that typewriter. In the case of this grandfather as well as my fathers dad I was not a grandson who was close to them. I was working for a large wholesaler in about 2000 and my cousin Jim Warren was out of work. I reached out to him and tried to help. I had the business look at him but was not able to hire him. Jim and I knew each other. We never spent a lot of time with each other growing up but that was something that I think we both would have liked to have not happened. Jim just brought me the typewriter one day saying he knew I was interested in writing and wanted me to have it.
*
Both events brought things to me that have been life long treasures.

 

 

Looking around the room ......................one question that comes to mind is why these specific things found their way to the top of the shelf?  The oldest thing is probably the gun on the wall. It was made in the 1890's. It was my dad's. The bell that might be hard to see in the middle top shelf probably was made before that and was used to announce class in a one room school house next to where my dad grew up. The picture of the Wagon with a pioneer woman on it is a replica of a mural that was painted on the entire front wall of the chapel that I went to church until I was about 14.  Most of the other items just were items that I thought might be interesting in terms of things picked up or noticed over the "journey" of a lot of years.  The sign that says "Success" is something KJ gave me just a few years ago. At first I didn't put it up. I thought at the time that it sort of reminded me of when I was much younger and I thought maybe even too much about "success". I always wanted to improve. Be better. Know more. Perfect myself. Achieve. Be thought of as having done all of those things. I tried at times to measure my progress. Those efforts had become part of the "journey" and were part of me. I wondered if I had just worked through some of the thoughts about Success so I didn't put the sign up. Then recently I was thinking about the sign in the closet and I thought it was really nice that after all these years that KJ went and got the sign for me. I figured that was enough of a reason to put it up. Then when I put it up I realized I still want to be better, to improve, to polish myself, and to become better for the journey................................................

 

 

us

Christmas Santa Fe. Us. It was cold. The trip was short. Odd that we didn't plan it out better with some good planners with us. Actually a little surprise that I can even get the picture to post, today.  Not much family around today. Good day to post a picture of them. 

Should we define the year by people, places or things?

We don't meet people by accident

 they cross our path for a reason.

Each year is different. Some years end very very different. Things change. One of the things worth pondering is "who" came into our life that was in or in as much before. What difference did that make? A good way to retreat from this whole subject would be to suggest that the only thing that changes us is ourselves. We can choose how we want to react to everything that comes into our life but then that leaves us choosing options that are about things that came into our life and like it or not those "things" can define the choices too. People, places and things change. People are often behind why places and things change. People can be good examples, inspiring, helpful and all the bad opposites too. We can look back at the year and ponder those that were "new" or we can recognize that those that have always been their may be the most important influences. 

here are some thoughts I wrote down for you, whoever you are

.............................................old jokes and old posts make for a old looking new post, I suppose. Christmas is often the same as it has been but then things do change. The likelyhood of Christmas being the same seems to be a lot less looking ahead. We are happy to have some new faces on the scene. We are happy to be together. It is exciting to find that our home can fill up and be a place where we can be together.

Vacation, Cranes,Bosque Del Apache, ECT

The Sand Hill Crane are big. They pair up for life. The ones we saw we were told had flown South for the winter from Utah and Montana. Some maybe from Canada. They have one or two chicks. Usually only one lives. They fly the chick down for a winter to teach them the way and then encourage the offspring to be independent.

We took a Vacation this week. Not a traditional vacation. No Disneyland, although I think that might be a worthy goal some day, again. Disneyland for 2 seems like an interesting idea.  Not a driving up North to Utah for a Vacation ............(cause we have them coming here in a few weeks). Just a couple of days off and driving somewhere locally is what this vacation was about.  We went to Socorro. We had thought about going on to El Paso or even Carlsbad but decided not too. A little further South, about 11 miles,  from Socorro is a town called San Antonio and then a little more South, 8 miles along side the Rio Grande, to the Bosque Del Apache which is a special place for migratory birds. Woods of the Apache is what Bosque Del Apache means and it was named for the people who often camped there. Hundreds of thousands of birds are in this area but I think we mostly saw the Sand Hill Crane and the Snow Goose. They come in at the end of the day after feeding and land on the water filled pools on the flat land along side the river. The spend the night on these little pools which I suppose protect them somewhat and then in the morning starting with first light they start to take off.

We had been told by a friend that you just watch and that one sort of moves and then the rest follow. We were excited and hoped to really see them all get up at once.  Turned out that the two days we watched this they sort of went off in small groups........................The really interesting thing is that the birds acted the same way? You see one guy would walk off with his big honking camera and then several would follow. Most of the guys had the big expensive lens extensions.  They  hung out together, did a lot of talking and when they moved they just moved in groups. The birds did the same thing, you see.  O yes we did some people watching too. The guys with smaller lens sort of walked off by themselves so as to not be embarrassed. Not many of the women had these "big" lens extensions or even tripods.  Seemed like the women showed up a lot later than the guys too. For what looked like mostly retired people it was odd to see the guys come together and a lot of the women together. Some of the guys had camouflage pants and jackets and their long lens had little covers that were the same. Course Kathy and I went together and were one of the first there in the early morning. We won't talk about our cameras. Kathy has a pretty respectable camera but it was in Utah in Zach's care. I will also add that we didn't slink off to the sidelines just because we didn't have a $5,000 + camera. We were right there in the middle of it all. I also will have to admit that as far as pictures are concerned I took some good ones, however my I phone somehow was on video so couldn't post those. Kathy got some great pictures. The pictures here are all what we saw but then I just copied them from a site.

Not posted but a great part of our vacation was just an afternoon movie, Lincoln. What a great great movie. Good short road trip, Great Movie.  A nice meal out. Not bad and it is only Friday.

Life Pondered

People, places and things make the sum total of  probably best way to look at a life. All are interesting but the most interesting are the people. Lots of people over lots of years make a difference in a life. This week, mid week, I was with a group of people for a few hours in the evening and felt pretty anonymous.  In addition to anonymous I felt alone and somewhat like I was not accomplishing much each day. Easy to get down even when everything really shouts out to you that you have much to be thankful for. As I was leaving a older fellow (I hope he was older cause he looked older) smiled at me and said, "Hello, I didn't know you were in the building tonight". What a difference one comment can make. How good we can feel when we believe someone else notices us or cares if were present. I suppose those same words could have come accross as empty but this week on that night those words seemed so sincere. People make it worth it. 

Nice person of the day post

wondering can be Stressfull, with a capital S

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I just wondered what to blog today. Something inspiring would be useful. I looked up "spiritual" on google. I don't need to look it up by the way I do know what it is but it did rreminds me of my Dr. Visit yesterday. Don't know why I capitalized "Visit"? Maybe it was because it was the one year anniversary of #2 so it needed to be and "event", or maybe it was because it shed some light on this mention of "spiritual". I occasionally get some chest pains. Guess the nitro helps with that I finally learn. Wondering what caused the pain was a subject discussed at the Doctors. It probably is angina I learned.  My mom had angina and I remember hearing about it over a lot of years. That is the good news ........."A Lot of Years". Anyway the pill helps. The pain may be brought on by stress. I was asked what was stressing me? I mentioned that the pain was stressing me. Sort of a mystery. Why is the pain caused by worrying about the pain? Sort of a chicken or egg question? The picture I found when I looked on google for the word "spiritual" that reminds me of all this, above, makes more sense by the way. Anyway I mentioned "spiritual" up a few lines. The "Visit" had that word come up. The Doc asked how my spiritual side was working? I did mention that a prayer in the middle of the night had worked even faster than the nitro so yes it was fine. I actually typed this first in  small print. I then figured why am I saving space. A blog doesn't take any space really. It is sort of out there but exists nowhere? Course who really knows? Sort of like where did the pain come from? Who really knows? Wondering can be stressful. 

 

A hero

I actually took this picture about 6:10 AM on Sept. 8th. So that means I took this picture before I posted the last blog on our anniversary on which I posted some pictures I like of KJ. I don't have any significant reason for posting this picture today by the way but it does give me something to type under. I was impressed with a talk I heard a week ago where a young lady (in her 30's) told us that her father had gotten in the habit of sending an email each night to his family and the short focus of the email was to find something he was thankful for that day. She seemed to feel it was a good thing and I was impressed with her and how she felt about it. As I look back to my last post I know that I am thankful for the subject of that post. Today I looked at a short video a friend sent to me that was titled "Angel Flight". It was about a airplane crew that brought back solders who had died. The treated the flight as a scared and their special passenger as a hero. I was impressed that the video demonstrated how special the "hero" was. The message was of how important the hero was and how much care went into his special "angel flight".  It seems like that the most meaningful knowledge that we can gain as we go through life just might be to understand how special others are.