The Mantra

I have blogged several times the last few weeks. The first time in over a year.  The question I have not resolved is why am I blogging. It is probably the case that no one buy my daughter and perhaps my wife have read any of this. Kathy may figure that the one she read was it and hasn't been back. My family is pretty loyal but I am pretty sure they are out of the habit of checking this blog.

I have wondered about inviting some extended family to read it and maybe some friends?  I haven't done that before. Maybe this blog would, if I keep blogging in it up, turn into a way to stay in touch or up to date with them.  Facebook perhaps is a more modern way to do that? I can't see me going on Facebook and living parts of my life there. I have limited interest in what I see there and have the potential to be in front of a lot of people who had not intent of seeing anything about me on purpose.

I have also thought about starting another blog. I might make it more about something. Something is a necessary word here because I have no answer for what that something would be. I don't think politics is a good subject. Religion probably isn't but then religion is about strong feelings about things and I have those.

I do think I have some subjects inside that may come out in a book.

     The goodness of people

Is often blurred with each day

     The life story reveals, whats in the way

 Today this blog has room to become a book blog.  I just finished the book, "Writing Down The Bones, Freeing the Writer Within", by Natlie Goldberg.  

It was about the writer and writing.  One thing I didn’t expect from the author was how her years in New Mexico were relevant to this subject. 

 The expected image I often find about this state is one that when I am in Santa Fe or Taos. There I find it in excess. It is a mantra. Artsy, cool, creative, beautiful, all creating an image in what ever is being discussed.

With the Bones book finished I just went in and found another book I might read.  "On Second Thought, by Robison E. Wells. (maybe he is a more important writer than Natalie Goldberg because he has a middle initial on the cover?)  It says right on the cover that it is "a novel". Maybe that is a declaration or maybe it was part of the title?  Perhaps the book really is an attempt at being a novel or maybe the whole thing is just a story about writing a novel? Not sure yet. 

A early surprise about this book was found in the "back cover comments". A character in the book, Walt, is offered a job in Alamitos, New Mexico. It says that the town is beset with colorful, offbeat characters and mystery .......................

Here again is the New Mexico Mantra at least the mantra is used to suggest something. Having read the first part of the book I didn't think that it was the same mantra of artsy and cool and more important the book didn't hold my interest..................

Bright Shinny Momements

I have driven to work each weekday for almost 13 years now. Today was no different, but then the things I saw stuck me different?  

I don’t use the freeway but instead drive on the city streets. On the freeway I am surrounded by cars and each has someone inside usually just the driver. Often I notice what they are doing but I don’t spend much time thinking about them.

Today it occurred to me that on the city streets, even with cars still alongside mine, that the roadside seem to have almost no people. The streets are lined with houses and businesses and I assume that most have people inside?

As I slowed down approaching an intersection I noticed a young woman sitting on a bench waiting for the bus.  The first thing that caught my attention was her light sky blue tennis shoes. The blue and the white soles were spotless. The copper rivets in her Levis seemed to shine in the sun. Her pants were a traditional dark blue color with a white shirt loose and hanging over them. Her black rim square glasses complimented her long raven black hair hanging down over her shoulders.  She was an American Indian and her brown skin against her black hair and the way she was dressed just sort of sparkled. 

Her image sparkled. It was shinny and happy. It reminded me of yesterday morning before I went to work. I sat looking to the east out of an upstairs window at the mountains. The trees were full of thick moisture filled leaves and the morning sun seemed to deflect off them. The corners of the leaves were actually like small mirrors. 

The trees sparkled. 

Good to find some bright shinny moments. 

Retire or ReInvent / Ok

Retire or Re Invent?

I am 6 weeks out from a change. Maybe 5. Today I was talking to a financial planner and that was my answer to her when she asked about it. Retiring or re inventing.  

Not so strange really.  We have called it "the next chapter".

Looking back over my career I have re invented myself several times. 

I went into the wholesale business after collage. I went into the brokerage business after that and then back into the wholesale business and then back into the brokerage business.  Well then again I went back into the wholesale business and then almost finally on into the restaurant business.  

It is a good thing that this, today's blog, is not my book because even I am bored with this beginning. 

Even so the theme of reinventing oneself is a reality. I did it. I might do it again. 

A long time ago I wrote a book. I had in my mind some lessons that seemed clear at the time. I thought that life had taught me the value of doing your best and seeking out the best. That idea got lost in the writing of the book and really would be hard to see looking back at it.  I did use some quotes in the book that had felt really good when I thought about what I wanted the book to say.  Probably too many quotes really and not enough book.  Even so so of the things I read, especially good quotes, just have such an impact. 

I saw a book on a shelf upstairs a few minutes ago. All the good books are packed (retiring and moving) so I was hunting for something to read. The book that caught my attention said, "1001 books that you need to read before you die". Ok. I have already read over a 1000 books so now what. I didn't pick it up and by the way I have already read that book too. 

Well I want to go back to the idea in this short message of reinventing. Each of the prior changes that I have gone through have built on the past. They have seemed different but in many ways they seemed different because of what I did before.

I am not planning on anymore of the food business. So for the goal of reinventing now I probably have to see in my past the lessons and things I have gained from the people I have known.

Sorry but this just leads me to a quote. Marcel Proust a famous writer if you like old books, or maybe if your old, said something profound.  He said that "the real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new sights, but in looking with new eyes."

I really like that quote. Looking back and thinking maybe I ought to really value the relationships and people is some new vision. Reinvention is new vision. New eyes. New conclusions. It is exciting.

One more quote. Sorry I just can't help it. T.S.Eliot is another older guy who has said some good things. In thinking of my new eyes, my reinvention, and even my hope that I can find a book in me that will be a good enough book to keep and read, I love this idea about what is coming next that he expressed so well. 

He said that "we shall not cease from exploration. And at the end of our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."

Yes indeed. I see some things now that seem to be different and even original even though I have seen them before.

On the other hand I am not done. I intend to keep exploring. I have just started to figure out what the right questions really are.

Thoughts about Retirement and today............................



This is my second post in a long long time. I likely have no followers.  I have started posting on my blog again to see what I might have to say?  I do have some questions that occur to me?  

I do like this quote. "Teachers teach more by what they are than what they say".  Maybe in retirement my seeking a subject to write about will as part of that goal help me to figure how who, after all this, am I.

I don't know that "a blog" really is the place to find that out? On the other hand is this really the best blog location, for a blog anyway? (a very different question)

Should I be blogging for just the family and some friends, or for anyone who wants to look in?  Do I need two blogs?  

I have some plans to write a book and maybe some possible topics for chapters or pages could make its way into the blog? 



Well, I am still working and will be for another few weeks. Then I am retiring. 

I have always spent a lot of time using "Outlook" on my computer to do emails and to keep track of things. When you look at the inbox in Outlook you see on the left side the "Mail Folders". Under them you can create other folders. You can move all your incoming emails, that you want to keep, into a folder with the category of the emails name on it. You an pull up your "sent emails" and store them for reference.  This is just a small amount of the ways to use this tool.

Over the last 8+ years in my current job I have created many many files. I have big categories.  Purchasing, Human Resources, Distribution, Stores, Insurance and on and on. Within these areas I have smaller files. Employees by name. Store by store number. HR policies, ect and so on.

Since I will retire in a few weeks I have been reviewing these files. Many have emails going back to day one. Day one was back in May of 2008 for my current job.  

I have taken the information in a lot of these files and passed them to those who will handle those areas after I leave. Even so, I have probably deleted over a thousand files and the contents, at least, so far, besides those passed on. 

So in a way I am deleting the sum total of all the documentation of all this time. The 8+ years. 

There must be some big profound lesson to be drawn from this other than that this was just a good way to hand off the baton.
. 


So did something good come from all that I deleted? Was the file effort worth it. What value went away by deleting it?  The files are not clean they are just gone




I still had the experiences. 

Today is “the day”. (Actually it was a couple of weeks ago)  The day that I write something for the sake of writing it. Not that I haven’t done that a lot. I have written a lot of pages about things and just tucked them away over the years. Some just ramblings.  Others intended to be really about “something”.   Some folks who like to offer writing suggestions say that  every single day a person should just write for an hour or two about whatever they can think of.    

Last night I was reading a book about writing that was put together by a person who felt she learned the most herself during the years she was teaching folks to write. She seemed to treasure the idea that everyone had something to say.  She claimed that almost every person reveals themselves even in just trying to write one sentence?  Really, do you think that is true? I wonder? Then on the other hand she in saying this is really making a point I have thought a lot about myself and that is that everyone has an interesting story.  A “life story” most likely.  In fact I have never heard someone tell their life story and not found it really interesting.  So maybe that is it. It isn’t the ability to write that is the big deal, it is the story.  This is good news because it takes the pressure on technique to a degree.

I liked another part of the message this writing teacher brought out in the book. She said you ought to get out each day and walk or maybe run.  She did suggest walking slow so maybe running isn’t the best. 

Walk slow she said. Think a lot while you’re walking.  Let your mind just go where it wants. The idea being that creativity slips in during this type of time spent.

It occurs to me that this writing I am doing today could be a post on a daily blog.  I recall I have a daily blog .............................. but haven’t used it for a couple of years? 

Kathy used to post a lot on her daily blog. I liked her posts a lot. That follows because I like her a lot, of course. She does a nice job of those type of things. I remember a few years ago some person living in the Northeast, in a big city, would post on a blog a lot and add pictures of the buildings in his town. Loved that blog.  That person just stopped blogging.  Miss him. It was a “him” I am pretty sure.

Maybe I will give some thought to a new blog format. Maybe one that has several sections. A section to talk about books maybe with links to where to buy them. Of course if I get a book written of my own it could go there. 

I did really like the idea that creativity could be tied to walking.  The author suggested 65,000 steps a week should be a goal, but that was the high end of that suggestion.   This probably means that Fiona is a very good writer with all her “invested time“ in walking or creativity.  The author did say to take it slow and enjoy it. 

Maybe a book on retiring will work for me. I think I am "more than ready" for it.  Here is what I like a lot about what I hope will fit well with retiring.  I can walk a lot. I can hit the goals suggested. I tried today actually. I just went out and walked for 3500 steps mid morning. I walked slow. The sun was hot but it felt really good on my skin.  This must mean I am a good writer by the way because the author I have mentioned got really excited  when one of her students explained in one of her assignments how she felt about the sun on her skin.  So there you go. I felt really good this morning out walking. The sun on my skin. Me walking slowly and just feeling good. Sort of a slow runners high...........................................................

So that is my blog today, or a couple of weeks ago. Whatever.

Travels with Brent, ?

Today started off with a walk.  2.8 miles. Wondered as I walked, about the mountains. Sandia Mountains are where we are. Just finished a small book. Travels with Charley.  John Steinbeck. Probably not what you would expect when you think of him. 

I like this picture of Kathy and I.  Smiling at each other. Last night in the Temple a very young couple was there. She seemed more like a teenager. Both were younger than Zach and Jenn.  The were at one point sitting just looking at each other. What a nice thing to do. Look at each other.  What happens when you do that? Are you one for a moment? Are you transparent? Do you know that you have a soul mate?  Do you feel like your ok.  Depends I guess on what the other person is reflecting? A smile is such a nice thing. 

Don't know for sure about this blog. I have posted on the blog for a lot of years. Not sure I could capture what I have done. Not sure what I might have said if I thought more than a couple of people would ever see it.  

Travels with Brent, I guess..............

Destinations..........................................

I got up today and spent some time looking on Pinterest.   I wanted to add a category and was looking for places that I had not been and would like to go.  I found a mountain top in Peru that was really interesting. 

It wasn't too long before I had got up and went out for a walk. Off the the East was the Sandia Mountains. Today was a good day. It was warm and it was really nice to be outside. 

I also spent some time on Family Search.  I was able to locate a number of names but I was frustrated not being able to find some answers.

One thing that stands out some as I look back over the last week is a couple of books I am "listening too" as I drive to and from work. Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson and The Colorado Kid by Steven King both have a lot in common. I finished Treasure Island and really enjoyed it. I am only a few chapters into The Colorado Kid. Both books are so really well written. It is just really a pleasure to read a good story that is well written. What a great talent to have. So as far as places I would like to go it I very well could find them in a well written book. I supect that anywhere that I went with KJ would qualify. 

Freedom

Today we walked through the neighborhood to attend a small event hosted by some neighbors. They each year on the 4th invite the fire department to bring a truck and all the neighborhood comes for the event. They have games for the kids set up on the street. The kids follow the fire truck for a few blocks around the subdivision and back. The event starts with a prayer, raising the flag, and everyone pledging to the flag. 

We are fortunate to live in America. 

What is missing here is my father.........................

What is missing here is my Father............. The house where he grew up, the hat he wore, one of the canes he used and a few watches. He got one of the watches from his dad as I recall. His parents lived in this house most all of their married life. My grandfather was blind in his later years and his cane was white with a red tip on it. He would walk from the front door to the barnyard across the street but he had to cross a road that was a highway. I remember many trips to this house when I was a boy. Dad would go to visit but to help. He put a roof on this house for them. He was always there to help them.  He was the one son that probably worked the hardest to help out and it was noticed not only by his parents but by his brothers and sisters who were glad that he did it but a little concerned that he just stood out doing it. 

Dad loved my mother. I remember over the years hearing from our church leaders that the greatest thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. My dad taught us that. I didn't have to learn it from the church leaders. 

I have had the good fortune to have spent time with my sons as young adults. I had left our home and had gotten married by the time I was 20.  I didn't spend the time with my dad that my own sons spent with me as young adults. 

A lot of what I learned from my dad was through his example. He was not a complainer. He cared about his family and for him that extended to cousins and their families. He had a lot of things that were important value. 

I think he is proud of me and that is important. I also know that he might see the closeness I have been blessed with in my own sons lives so far and he would have wished that for us as I do wish it. 

Past the" use by date"

Today I was talking with a "friend" and he mentioned that I was for sure past the use by date? I was sort of shocked. Good thing I live with Kathy.  A lot of the stuff she has in drawers is past the use by date........................................

Time for....................

Kathy found this in Zach's room. It is a poem I have liked over a lot of years so it seems worth adding to the blog...................................

Take Time

Take time for friendship when you can.

The hours fly swiftly, and the need

That presses on your fellowman

May fade away at equal speed

And you may sigh before the end

That you have failed to play the friend

Not all life’s pride is born of fame;

Not all the joy from work is won

Too late we hang our heads in shame.

Remembering good we could have done;

Too late we wish that we had stayed

To comfort those who called for aid.

Take time to do the little things

Which leave the satisfactory thought,

When other joys have taken wings,

That we have labored as we ought;

That in a world where all contend,

We often stopped to be a friend.

Edgar A. Guest

Worth Posting

My favorite little girl..................................................

Seven things

1. I have never been  really involved in sports and overall I have not had much interest in sports throughout my life. The exception was that in my Senior year in High School I made the Varsity Wrestling Team. With no prior background or participation in any sports I made the team. I took the 141 weight category and represented the school in maybe 1/3 or more of the events. For three of the smaller schools we played I won the match by pinning the other player in minutes. The biggest event was against the other home town High School. Many were there to watch. I lost.  The loss was hard. I think if I had spent 3 or 4 years in the program I would have been a much more formidable opponent in my senior year.  Wrestling was a sport I really liked and boxing has been one I have always liked. 

2. I took piano lessons for a least 5 years or longer in late grade school and junior high.  I just don't remember for sure. I took it long enough that I should have been better at the end than I was. The teacher I had was very traditional and just had a set way to learn and a set pattern of what to play........ that was boring. She would sit in her kitchen and listen to me play at practice through the closed door. I had no understanding of what I was missing until years after I had stopped the lessons. I never once played a song that I recognized or enjoyed.  I think I could have done a lot better. The quality of the teacher is important.

3. I have ran 13 marathons. I ran at least 10 miles a week for 25 years. Sometimes the mileage was much higher. For 13 of those years when I did a marathon I would have mileage that went as high as 70 miles a week. I don't know if I have enough mileage under my belt to have run around the world but I could have made it across the US and back for sure. Course it would have taken me 25 years or else I would have had to take a lot of time off.

4. In September of 1971 I listed on a sheet of paper 15 things that I had as goals to make me a better person. I rated myself on each of those goals at least once a year for 10 years and have looked at those ratings often. I rated myself again in July of 2013 and honestly felt I had improved each item significantly.

5. In January of 1978 I started a journal and wrote summaries of the events of my life. The entries were regular, sometimes monthly, and always were made several times a year through around 2002.  Even since then I have made regular entries.

6. Once when I was in junior high school I got in a fight with a fellow a lot bigger than myself. He knocked me down several times. When he beat me in that fight it was embarrassing. For some reason the experience left me understanding that it was just one fight and made little difference. I lost my fear to fight. I had a few other fights after that loss and won them.  Looking back at life, it in some ways, has all been a fight. I have lost count of how many times I have just gotten up and moved on. I have never feared a fight. Maybe I should have?

7. In 1971 one of my goals had to do with my desire to "learn" more. My efforts to learn more have been regular and sincere and to my thinking what I hoped for in growth was substantial. What I have learned over the last 42 years is that I need to learn more.

Instead of 7 thoughts just a thought provoking thought

A note to my good friend and companion

I remember when I was young, so was you
Time Stood Still
Love was all we knew

Look at us now
After all these years together

Look at us now
After all we have been through

Look at us now
Still leaning on each other
Perhaps me more than you

If you want to see
How true love really should be
Then just look at us now

Look at you
Still pretty as a picture
You light up the room when you enter

Look at you me now
Still crazy over you

Look at us both
Still believing in forever

A trail of people who made a difference

Today I got an email from a friend who lives in the Washington DC area.  He wrote about the full fall season, the impressive autumn array of deep orange and caramel browns while the leaves keep falling. 

Our back yard had it's "stunning few weeks" of bright red and some oranges but it is close to being over.  Our blue sky almost never fails us.  The mountains are "pretty good".

A note from a  good friend who is now far away is very welcome. It is a little surprising and or less than what you would really hope for how many good friends just don't stay in contact. It takes an effort but mostly as I look back over the years I recall the people on the trail.

What is life and for that matter what will the eternities be like is a important question...............at least I think it is.  Mostly the answers you find are illustrated as a trail we took, a path we followed or even a trip. The pictures I posted today are on the trail. Even my friends pictures bring back memories of when I was there and my recollections. I don't think that life is just places, especially pictures. I don't think the trail is places or things. New cars are nice for a few days but most new things just become old things. The best part of the trail was and continues to be "the people" on the trail. 

Today's email was a good thing. A reconnection again of one that has been somewhat regular.  Emails make it all easier. I got a phone call yesterday from an associate from years past from Utah who was asking for recollections of a very good friend from my collage days. The friends daughter was looking for some insight into her dads  life. Her dad had been my very good friend. He and another friend had a great deal of positive influence on me in collage. I miss them both.

Thoughts this Sunday Morning

A good morning in ABQ

 

 

Thursday we went to the Balloon Festival. It was special shapes day. The day was perfect, except that the wind was blowing higher up so the balloons did not take off. It meant for a lot longer time to just walk through them as they were inflated on the ground. Even so it was a perfect morning in a lot of ways.

 

 

Today was the opening day of Albuquerque's 42 annual International Balloon Festival.   There will be over 600 balloons at the festival this year.  The sky was very blue and the air was crisp.

We watched LDS Conference today and enjoyed just being home together.  The conference messages were good. I took some notes and particularly liked the comments of Elder Debe. He said: "In the service of the Lord it is not where we serve but how" and "The past should be lived with but not in" and "The spirit of the Lord is not what we have done or where we have been but where we are willing to go".

President Uchtdorf's messages were really good and I liked his comment "Doubt your doubt before you doubt your faith"

Just Us

"We"........... went for a walk this morning.  Fall is in the air.  Last night I watched our 40 year video. Course it is 47 years + almost a month. Today we are not working in the Temple and we don't have anything in particular to do. That has a nice side to it. 

Kathy's blogs are a lot more interesting than mine. Course she has 800 + pictures on her I Phone and can't down load the new I Phone program until she figures out what to do with those pictures. On the other hand I suspect Riley shoots about 800 pictures every time she picks up a camera? Course these are all good things. I don't take a lot of pictures. I am planning on taking this post and sending it off to our family with Kathy's blog address on it in case everyone doesn't have it already. 

Somebody is inside

This sculpture reminds me of our life. I suppose we have something inside that we are trying to find. The  master artist is perhaps helping us. Back mid May 2008 a friend sent me this note.........................

Hi Brent,
All the best on Wednesday. 
I was thinking about you and it brought to mind the story of Ted Williams...
Coming up to bat on the last day of the season with a double header and a batting average of 399.6.
It would have rounded up to .400 and a lesser player would have asked to sit out.  Instead - Ted wanted to play.
As he came up the the plate for the first time - the umpire came out to sweep off the plate and said to him...
You can't hit .400 if you are not relaxed.
He went 5 for 8 that day to end the season with a batting average of .406.
He's the last player to ever hit .400.
Relax on Wednesday and be yourself and you'll get plenty of hits.
Best Regards,
John

It has been 5 + good years since that note. I made the job change that I wanted to. I may have revealed more of what is inside as life has gone on. So the question is, what's next?  I guess I have little choice but to relax and find out who is inside...............

 

 

 

KJ has to give a talk tomorrow about "Fathers" and she was able to pull up a talk she gave 20 years ago, also on fathers day. She likely will use a lot of the prior talk. When I re read it what stood out to me was her comments about her life growing up and her parents and what she valued that she learned from them. She remembered learning to drive in her fathers Studebaker.  Thinking back about about these type of cars I remember that there were ugly ones and then the one her dad drove was a good looking one.  We went out on a double date in one of the ugly ones. Probably our first date together?

 

 Talks are somewhat like good books. The good ones make you think of things you associate with the words. Good fathers is probably a worthy subject today. Both Kathy and I had very good fathers. They both loved their wife very much. That can make up for a lot. It sets a good example. Probably it is worth more than most other things. Time spent with a father is pretty special but who he treats his

wife may, in my opinion, have more of an impact on our lives later on.

 

What seems especially important as I ponder this is how different our life is when our all of our parents are passed on.  The memories change and continue to change. 

 

 Today I think of my father and I am reminded that he always seemed to be happy with his life. His happiness wasn't just a "positive attitude" type of thing. Not that a positive attitude is bad? I do think that it isn't really all that "good" if it is not deeply rooted. Some people seem to really be happy or positive and don't have to apply any rules to their outlook. My dad had a positive attitude in that he seemed to enjoy his life and it seemed to come from deep within. 

 

I can't help but think of my brother when I spend time thinking about my father. At least today that is the case. My brother seemed in some ways to really enjoy his life. He had some challenges but even so he reminded me of my dad in that I think he just enjoyed life. I know he loved his kids and family.  He seemed to always be willing to reach out to me. He was probably the one that needed reaching out to but then he would jump on a plane and come at the drop of a hat, if I asked him too. I wish I had asked more often.

 

I have wondered why my father was happy. So having said this here is some insight. Wondering about things like that is not a Rx for happiness. It can lead to being less than positive. I do think he really valued his family but in particular I think my dad always really felt he was luckily to have my mother for a companion. I saw that same thing in KJ's father, Hal. I have always felt that way about KJ but as I get older and see so many changes in what I had thought were things and relationships that defined me and now do not, I find that KJ is the core of my focus and I treasure that.