Today is another day very different from this picture. Sunny. Blue Sky. Perfect weather. Good reasons to "like being here". Even so I often wonder why we are here? Looking back over 60+ years for me it is 7+ of those years that we have been here. I wonder what it would have been like if we had never come to ABQ? A lot has happened in these years. The conclusions as to what it has been worth........ change from day to day. Even when it seems like it may have been just a "hard period" in our lives, there always are openings in the dark sky. With the openings in the darkness of the moment, are bursts of light that shine and show through. Those bursts of light and bright spots are indeed the things that just would not have been the same without our coming here 7+ years ago. Maybe a "bright spot" would be some "real humility" that has been found here? Not very humble to meniton it I guess but more about that later. Maybe another bright spot of light would be "a more clear look at the real world" that was found here. Since the church has always been a big part of our lives I ought to consider it as a bright spot but it wouldn't be fair to say that it is better or different here but then the role and value of the Temple is more clear here, at least for me, and probably in and of itself that fact would be enough to make it all worth it to have come here.
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The question of how exactly it may be better to be here if it is, is not easy or even possible to figure out right now as I write this. One answer might be found as we consider where else it would be best to be. The answer to that may be "where you might make the most difference to someone specific or to others in general, or even just to oneself". What you can do that would make the most difference then becomes the question.? What makes more of a difference to our self or others may have less to do with where you are as to who the others are. Who you are with. Of course the problem is that it doesn't seem possible to be "with" all those that you would like to be with.
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I sometimes look through pictures that span my own lifetime and our families lifetime as I try to figure out what to post. Looking at those pictures can bring back those occasions as if they were just yesterday. Then of course they were, just yesterday. What a surprise that such a long time is really so little time at all. 7+ years can easily seem a lifetime.
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Having mentioned "real humility" early in this blog I suppose that is a deeper subject than what I have said about it so far. I have read many many books on individuals who seem to have perfected themselves, improved their own and other peoples life, and gained some spiritual insight and help. When you spend a lot of time reading about these kind of successes it can have the opposite effect on yourself than what you hoped. Instead of becoming better or more "in tune" and receptive to some spiritual insight you can easily become just too aware of how far away you really are from those seemingly good goals. It can leave you depressed. On the other hand one lesson I think that can be drawn from the experiences of others learned about in this way is the real need for some intensity and effort in reaching out and gaining some spiritual direction. Maybe when we really really need some direction or we just need to want to feel closer to the spiritual side of life enough to really make an effort to draw closer and then with that effort it is when you do "draw closer". It takes some additional humility to do this. You don't get direction and promptings and insight into what you need to be doing, without some efort and of course thinking less about yourself. Being here for 7 + years has been a help in gaining some humility but I don't think anything that I have put down here would be any proof of that claim. Wanting to answer the question everyday about whether this is "the place" for us probably only makes it harder, or on the other hand maybe it brings the light shinning through it all, more into focus, sometimes, maybe...................................................
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